Humorous News Stories
In what could surely be labeled as baseball's ultimate weapon, the New York Times has run a story on a NCAA division I switch pitcher. Yes, that's right, the pitcher can throw either left or right handed depending on whom he's facing. Surprisingly, he is equally effective with either arm, although his right arm seems more aligned toward throwing fastballs, while his left specializes in a side-arm slider. Apparently, it is illegal for the pitcher to switch arms during the course of an at bat (yes, there is actually a rule on the books about this) -- the pitcher must declare prior to the at-bat which arm he will use to throw. It makes for a funny story when the umpires had to convene to determine just how to rule on this amazing phenomenon.
This dog is great...I hope his owner didn't put peanut butter on his nose to get him to lick this much. It seems a bit excessive to me. Anyhow, the dog is good for a laugh, but the song is not so hot. The lyrics are unimaginative, repetitive, and the tune is just so-so. Wow, I sound like Simon Cowell. Bug-eyed dogs are fun.
So, in the interest of maintaining my "fair and balanced" position when it comes to politics in America, I present this photo which I first came across on Shoemoney's blog. I realize this is really old, but it was new to me (that happens a lot, so if you've seen it cut me some slack). Freakin' hilaaaarious says I:
World Site Index - A searchable directory of websites organised by subject.
Which one is your favorite? I'd have to say either the elephant or the expanding one...I was never this clever in school, I always tried to get partial credit : /
Interesting article from the New York Times about how more and more couples are choosing to sleep in separate beds. I can certainly understand this as it relates to my own relationship. J thinks I snore a lot; I disagree -- not once have I heard myself snore! And I definitely have heard her various nocturnal gurgles and mutterings. Anyhow, we're not nearly wealthy enough for two bedrooms, so we just make do. It's not so bad, just think of all the homes across the planet that have multiple people living in one room, much less one house. Be thankful you have a roof!
"Mr. Cool Ice"
That, my loyal readers, is how you say cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs in German:
From the "Americans aren't fat enough" department comes news of a beer tossing fridge that can hit you on the sofa from 20 feet away. What, you're worried about wearing your beer when you open up the can? Wimp. Catch it gently, like a newborn babe, and it shouldn't be a problem says the inventor. Of course, it should be noted that catching the first beer is much easier than catching the fifth beer. If you're drunk enough, the tenth beer might hit you clean on the skull. Then you would be covered in beer and probably some blood too. Are you happy now, fridge? Until the fridge comes with a smart-chip targeting system I will continue to use my dog to fetch beers. Pluses: She's gentle enough with the cans that I don't have to worry about too much head. Negatives: Unlike the fridge, she poops. Hmmm.
Don't try to deny it. I love Canada, you love Canada. We all love Canada. From the department of news that surprises hardly anyone, a recent poll suggests that from a global perspective, the world has mostly positive impressions of Canada. You can probably guess what they think of the United States. Japan came in second, France third. Wait, what? France third? That's what it says. Personally, I like France (food + wine = good), but I thought I was one of the few. Go figure.
In other news, Texans really like other Texans
So, apparently, when NASA astronauts want to talk dirty to each other, they come up with such titillating lines as: "First urge will be to rip your clothes off" and "But honestly, love, I want you to totally and thoroughly enjoy your hero's homecoming." I guess I was expecting more from the article, considering the headline on CNN was "Sexy e-mails shed light on astronaut's bizarre behavior". Maybe I was expecting too much, but dammit people these are astronauts. They're supposed to be good at everything, right? Remember Apollo 13? They were stranded in outer space, destined to run out of oxygen. Then Tom Hanks' character pulled some MacGyver-type action with duct tape, chewing gum, and the urine of his frightened co-pilot who did nothing but pee himself out of fear. Houston, problem solved.
So, needless to say, after reading these emails I am very disappointed in our space program -- no creativity here.
CNN reports Andrew Giuliani will not be campaigning with his father, Rudy Giuliani, in his quest to become president. Anyone from New York (and probably many others) remember when Giuliani was sworn in as mayor and his son Andrew was completely out of control, in a hilarious sort of way. But what was even more funny was Chris Farley playing Andrew on Saturday Night Live, and Kevin Nealon as Giuliani.
According to this article, Andrew has apparently gone to Duke University to learn how to become a professional golfer. Uhh...What?
Interesting article about Alfonse D'Amato, the former Republican senator from New York, and his recent hiring as a lobbyist for the Poker Players Alliance. Apparently the PPA is hopeful D'Amato can raise enough support in Washington to overturn the recent ban on online gambling. That bill was only passed because in the dead of night senator Frist tacked it on to the Port Securities Act, and just before the recess for mid-term elections. Of course no senator , whether running for reelection or not, would make standing up to Big Brother a higher priority than the safety of our nation's harbors. It'll be interesting to see if anything comes of this, but I'm going to bet...nothing. Fold.
Kanye West says President Bush doesn't care about black people.
Well, apparently Kanye West loves Indian food.
What do the two statements have to do with each other? Not much, I just thought perhaps instead of spending $3,900 on getting his Indian food delivered (granted, it is for a party of eight people so that's only about $500 per person), he might, you know, spend that money on people who could use a helping hand, like the African-Americans he was referring to when calling Bush out for Katrina relief.
Here's another one of my favorite Kanye West quotes (from Wikipedia):
In January 2006, West again sparked controversy when he appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone in the image of Jesus wearing a crown of thorns. Later that month, he suggested in Playboy that if a bible were written in the present day, he is famous and important enough to be included in it. "I throw up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them." West claimed, "[I'm] definitely in the history books already."
This dude is talented -- he can throw up historical subjects. I'd like to see him vomit up Benjamin Franklin. I'd pay $3,900 to see that!
Apparently the Geico Cavemen are going to be starring in their own TV series. Does anyone else think perhaps (no, definitely) this is a horrible idea? I mean I love the Cavemen more than anyone I know (just ask my girlfriend) but I don't know if it work for a half hour. Maybe if it were a show on HBO, and they could curse, shoot each other, and throw in a bit of nudity it might be a hit. But then again, who wants to see naked cavemen? Ugh.
p.s. Extra points for the reference to Bob, the talking baby. I think I speak for everyone when I say WTF?!?
O Mullets, how we all love them...here's a great link from a friend of mine and courtesy of Mullet Junction.
Brilliant stuff, and it get even more funny as you read down.
My favorites were Mullfdiver and Humpty Femull Dumpty.
See the page here
The lastest in the ongoing saga of Ann Coulter, Her Foot and Mouth: A Love Story
Apparently the First Lady of Conservatives believes John Edwards is gay. Instead of saying something like he plays for the other team, he's a
sneaky butcher, bone smuggler, back tourist, etc. she uses a different BAD word that didn't really make anyone laugh. What a freak she is. Anyway, you can find the the CNN article about it here.
And a link to the original video here.
I don't know, I think the whole thing is pretty funny. I mean, I can see how some people are pissed off, but who takes this woman seriously? Apparently in a follow-up she said something to the effect that she didn't mean to insult gays by comparing them to John Edwards. And now, Edwards, in a what I think is somewhat slimy move, is using this incident to collect $100,000 in "Coulter Cash" to "fight back against the politics of bigotry". Apparently at some point, perhaps while I was sleeping, Edwards became a great champion for the oppressed in this country. But he needs more money to do it, because he's struggling to make ends meet. Go John, keep fighting the man.